the first, we are symmetry itself, symmetry that gives way to puzzle pieces. our train tracks are lined up and i am never so lovely as when i am with him. together, i breathe easy and true, wry-mouthed, tunnel-eyed, candle-shined, and my hair all tangled into one feisty, lilac breeze. we are absolutely free with one another, entirely free. together, we could climb an everest or invent our own unscalable mountain. we could survive anything, a fatal joy even. we turn like the two hands of a clock, anchored and twirling. i've never wept like i did when he drove away. we terrify each other and we would learn any language to be together. it's eternal.
i do not desire him.
the second was the first, and i dream of him two nights out of three though it has been years. he reads my thoughts through my eyes when they need to crawl out and when they ought to remain a mystery, he wonders at them fluttering inside my skull, like moths in a bulb jar. together, we would live on a boat or build out own cottage on an abandoned city corner. he writes in the language of my heart and our voices are evenly matched. he rouses my fury, my desire, my prose and my poetry, my silence, my peace, my ponderings, my ever-awed curiosity, my loyalties. i was in love with him and he was even more in love with me. he is a column that has torn itself free; he has half-gown, half-built himself wings. he was my sky-lighted pantheon.
his train tracks are aimed, they run to the edge of his own cliff, and no engine, however given to flight, could survive such a fall. it is a height, himself.
therefore, this is how i will have it. i will stand on my own sunny street corner in the square, watching the crowds scurry and roar, until i find a someone. i will say to him, "do you love someone? or are you in love?" and if he says no, i ill ask, "will you please kiss me?"
be gentle; no one has ever done this to me. i never let them.
he might oblige. i will say thank you, show him my favourite smile, take his photograph, and recede. maybe his friends will cheer , or take his place, or maybe he will be wide-eyed and alone. and i would be gone.
i have my moments away from the mulberry bush, and there are times when i'm walking 'round it, 'round and 'round. but mostly, i am dreaming somewhere deep in its thicket.
